emancipation of db

. happy.private.grateful.mesmerized.

dharzZ Domination

Everyday seven takes of the same old scene
Seems we're bound by the laws of the same routine

I know you'll ask me to hold on
And carry on like nothing's wrong
But there is no more time for lies
Cause I see sunset in your eyes

I'm sorry for the way I let go
From everything I wanted when you came along
But I am never beaten, broken not defeated
I know next to you is not where I belong

The world slows down
But my heart beats fast rigth now
I know this is the part when the end starts

No, Happily never after
That just ain't for me
Because finally I know I deserve better after all
I'll never let another teardrop fall

Falling madly deeply I
Surprise myself enough to find
That what's begun this love and now I'm done, so done

"There is a pussycat doll in every woman" - PCD

karma

What lies beneath the true identity of a person who wants to be loved by someone who never exist in his life. What does it feels like to be used by someone and end up with the word stupidity. What happened if you end up with anger and hatred for someone you loved before. What if the words cared and loved has totally gone. Dream comes to reality and end up with a false hope. Friends into a relationship, now departed on each other. Bitterness to its sweetest taste.

WINNING AFTER LOSING..

in another lifetime

A relationship that I will treasured forever. It is a long road to find your better half and it will come in God's time. Last year, early quarter of the year 2008, unexpected he came to my life. Since then we get to know each other, spending hours for conversations, even in those sleepless nigth, seeing through web cam. Yes. It is a long distance relationship. Through that months that we have been together, I can say he become true to himself without pretending anything, he give me the love that no one can give and shown the respect that I deserved, advices that only him can give. My partner, my friend, my companion, my almost better half. We save our relationship for a reason, we have been in ups and downs. Our relationship is different from the others - we are different in the eyes of everyone. But our love grows even stronger as day goes by. He is older than me, but that is not a doubt to love him unconditionally. Beyond that, I loved him more than any woman can give. A woman who trap in a man's body. Yes I am. Having a commitment is like a thread binding you as one. Through thickness and thin, for richer or poorer, till death do as part. When the heart bit of somebody that you love most, suddenly stop, it is one way of setting him free from his commitments with you and the only thing you can do is - accept it. I know accepting is a hard thing to do, specially if that person means everything to you - your life, your source of breath. All the things that matter today is prayers and only prayers can answer all the questions that hidden in every obstacles. Yesterday, I do sent him a personal message saying that I'm still here. Knowing to the fact that I know that he have a terrible illness with his health and we did'nt update ourselves on what is happening with our individual life since the last quarter of the year. Then early this morning upon signing on my account I received a personal message from him saying:

my_dear (1/8/2009 7:45:06 AM): yes i am still here on earth for another couple of months.i am entering pallitive care this week and want to end my earthly days there getting ready to meet my maker...good luck to u.

and I said:

dharzIELICIOUS: I would like to say this to you "Mahal na mahal na mahal kita dear". All of the things that we have shared will be forever treasured and it will be forever in my heart. I hope and pray that we will met again in God's time. I know it will be hard for me to move on, but I know that you will always there for me guiding me in every step of the way. Mahal na mahal na mahal kita dear.

I know this is the part when the end starts. I am officially setting him free from any commitments that we have. I will never say bye bye to you dear, I know there would be a time that I would see you again, maybe not on this earth but in other place that we call heaven.

a better new

I am looking forward for new things, new opportunities, new people that I will encounter with. - I guess life is full of surprises. New great things might happen - I am always optimistic in every idea, counter part of this that might also happen are the gray days that I must deal with. Beyond on that, I always believe that there would be enough reason for every things that happening with my life - that could happen with my life. New day, new start, new beginnings - to be a better me. It will be a reminder for me that a new blessing comes, no matter how difficult the old days maybe. There would be lot of reason to live and to share, beside, we are here for the others. Live one day at a time, one step on another, keep motivated and take a breath. Things would be simplier and easier. Right? There's no reason to rush on things, it would come - in GOD's will. I love the idea of living and loving, whether in different aspects it maybe. We live to love - to share. So, I have to do my part, to know where I am going? But, if you ask me then, I would say - I am prepared.

a day before

This past few days, I fond myself on reading books and one of these is "God's Little Devotional Book on Success" - Ironically speaking, this book was own by my sister (years back) and one day it just pop up while I'm cleaning the house. Then I said to myself, "I should start reading this book this December for motivation on what I really want."

The book said: A person's success is deeply rooted in their individual gifts, traits and desires. It is related to each person recognizing their unique potential and working to fulfil it while holding to the values associated with it and accomplishing goals on the path towards it. Therefore, each person's definition of success is different. There are many methods for becoming successful, but they all contain these four basic truths in one form or another:

• be your best (noble character),
• do your best (quality performance).
• work hard (quantity of performance), and
• never give up (persistence).

The definition of success and methods of attaining it are individual, but common to every person's pursuit of success is the need for motivation.

Then I said to myself upon reading this book, maybe this will be sign that God wants me to focus on. - Be Motivated. It is a half way there to finish this book, but for now I will give you some food for thoughts to refresh your self from other things.

Glory and honor and peace to every

man who does good.

Romans 2:10 NASB

Let us not get tired of doing what is rigth,

for after a while we will reap a

harvest of blessing if we do'nt get

discouraged and give up.

Galatians 6:9 TLB

His peace will keep your thoughts

and your hearts quiet and at rest

as you trust in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:7 TLB

This are words from the holy bible, however I know for sure you heard this many times, but it is differerent when you read it with your two bare eyes. Now the coming year is near, full of new hopes and desires, blessings and sacrifices, tears and laughters. But no matter what happen, I will have a consistent motivation to work hard and achieve the true essence of success. Cheers!

side effects

"You'd like a friend with benefits. But have you considered the benefits of a friend?" A love that blooms only in 11. Signifies the moments that I have with him. I keep holding unto him ever since the day I met him . "Feelings will never changed dharz", he said. I have to figth for what my heart wants to feel beyond what my minds want to say. - it is really a tough one. I could said, I have to put all of this on good endings and start from the basic. I wish you well - I do.

thanks for nothing

Rigth this very moment, I would like to reminisce for the last time, the things that happened since my last post. My friend asked me why I'm not posting any new insigth from my heart and I said - "I have to focus first on my priorities and the rest will follow." There are few persons that I can count on my fingers and they can tell who really I am. Honestly, I'm afraid so, you are not one of them, you are just pretending one of them? - and I know whose who. Dare me. People go and pass by and they do even changed - whether for the good or bad? . I still believed that there is a kindness in every mankind.

The last quarter of the year is a blast, things *happened for a reason - definitely. I don't want to go on details anymore, because for me it is already *happened. People close to my heart maybe knows what truly *happenned - hope so? People who surrounds me have nothing to do with my decisions, I am still the last one who will decide - that's for sure. I gurantee. Doing what I think is rigth is one step to move on. No hesitation. No turning back. No matter how many mistakes I have done - but hey look at me, I am still standing. So why can't you move on? - duhH, move out of my way.

O.O.C.

Have you ever notice that sometimes I wear jacket in a fair day or even in a sunny day - I'm out of control of myself, where everybody is asking and get confused on what I am wearing of? But behind those questions, I still kept the answers inside myself and remain silence for every single clothes that I wear. I'm not a fashonista either a freak model, I'm just me, I wear comfortable clothes that suits my needs - no questions about that. "It's not just clothes, every clothes have history and story to tell." Beyond every color, texture and designs - it will represents who you are. There is a big impact on what we are wearing of - attitude, but behind all of these, there is an emotions that no one can understand. I feel secured everytime I wear it, not to mention the weather and the people who surrounds me - but for the security and comfort that it brings to me. From these, it serves as a comfort zone of myself - that no one can give.

back into you

"Why is my feeling for him is coming back, haunting me every now and then, to the fact that I have already move on. Am I just stupid enough to fool my own self? We have no commitment and even a relationship to start with. We are friends ever since we've met, he knows that - I know. We are bonded with our mutual understanding, is it enough?, in times that we've been together, it seems that we have chemistry and all the ingredients needed to make a story a happily ever after is already present. But the true part of it - It can't be? It is really hard to fall inlove with someone, especially if that person means so much to you and he knows that you loved him, since the day that you've met. "