just because

When I was young I do enjoy watching fairy tales, every stories that everyone knows - a happy ending. Until now, I still admire the concept of it, the stories that I love to hear and watch to. As I grew up, the values that I have learned from those stories, with different interpretations from around the globe and characters that they portray in, there is one single value to adapt in - learning to love with all your heart. Love is universal - unconditional. Along that fairy tale stories, I have to separate the real ones from a dream - to mention that my stories is different from them but the similarities involve with one key - Love. I felt this when I was still young - a heart that no one can understand, only I can justify it and now it blooms like a flower, a rare one, a fatal may it can be, waiting for someone to recognize the happiness that it can brings. Now, I am on the rigth age, still my heart shines diffrerently from other human beings. Abnormal may it seems, normal it may looks like. Who can tell what is rigth from wrong in love? No one can answer it, unless someone suffered from it. I tried to live normal as it can be, but how am I suppose to live in a world full of critics, prisoners of their own life. I have to be strong, a figther - a warior instead. I have to figth from all life's detractors - see, look at me? - I'm still standing.

" A boy was inlove with his gay friend then his other friend asked him, "Why him?", Then the boy replied immediately, "If only you can borrow my eyes, then you will see the girl inside his heart."

Just like I said a while ago, I'm on the rigth age, I know where my part is, my limitations and boundaries in life's love. Conditions and unconditions it may be, I have to figure out the different angles of love. There are lot of ways to show one's love, whether by means of words or actions. But the question Ms. DV is: What would I choose - The person that I used to be with or the person that I am dreaming of? I met this guy back six years ago, I'm still a student before, when I've met him. We have found of memories to look back in, we have communication ever since that our eyes have met. To make the story shorter, he went to other country to work without any further notice. So during that time, I focused myself on studies, my ambitions in life, but I never missed him in a single day. While I'm adventuring my path as an educator, this year, he showed up, our path have crossed again - we met again. Some questions answered, some must be kept. He knows, I loved him so much and I know he loves me - when he's sad. I gave and showed unconditional love to him until now - he knows that. Everyday is a mystery of love, a mystery that anyone should try to solve, some hints must be known to be able to know the truth that lies between the two of us. Now, lets talk about the other man who showed up this past few months, would you believed it started with a personal message on my other account? - and the rest is history. We do have communication as often as we could be, a long distance relationship. He always surprise me in different way, treated me as no one could treated me the way I want to. He's my better half - my husband. Evendo we see each other faces on cam and our body are apart from one another, our souls unite as one by means of our love. We are going eigth months in a row by november 2, and counting strong. Once in a blue moon. But honestly speaking, it's different if the person that you really love is standing in front of you, comforting you in your deepest downfall and your sharing both happiest desires in life. I miss him as much as my heartbit says everyday.

A different part of my story, that anyone can get confused on what is the real value of my love is. Would you believe that for once in my life, a story happened and all of these are currently happening to me, not because I want to - just because I do.

a piece of battle arena

23rd of October - a new day for me to battle in. This past few days, there are lot of things happen in my life, started from the day that my student created my own blog last 17. Since then, I'm eager to post my blog, my personal insigths - the other side of me.

18th of October, birthday of my other sister - Jonabel, late afternoon, after office hours. One way of pampering myself is by going to the salon, wherein I have my manicure and pedicure. After that I have a date with my highschool friends - Nhesa and Michelle, I miss them. We spend our saturday nigth in a nice place here in Lucena, we have conversations, bondings, photo shoots, great music, food and drinks - just like good all times. I treated them as sister to me since highschool not to mention that all of us are employed with our respective fields of interest. We have to say goodbye for the mean time and go back with our own lives. 19th of October is a wonderful sunday to give thank to our Lord for all the blessings that He gave to us. Usually, I attend mass every morning at 8am, together with my family. Due to last nigth hang-over, I have to attend mass late in the afternoon, unexpectedly, without further notice inside the church, I was amazed with one person - the priest who currently conducting the mass. I have a huge crush on him when I was still young and until now. I don't know his name, further other information with him, all I can say is we grew up in one place in Lucena. A different feeling when I saw him again, feels like I've known him for a long time ago. I know in time our path will cross again - in God's Grace. But wait, out of nowhere in the busy street in the city, going home after the mass, as I look outside the jeepney, I saw him - my childhood crush and now the Father of all. My eyes can't lose to look at him that time, as I notice the plate number of his car - TMC232. For the mean time, I will continue praising to Lord and be thankful for what I had - Thank you Lord. 20th of October, I have to woke up early to travel here from Manila, to submit my sister's document. I love my sister, she is one of my inspiration, I believed with her principles in life and how she manage her work together with her family. It was a worth-thinking upon traveling alone, my minds flew just like a dragonfly in the grass fields - and think the impossible one to make it happen. 21st of October, back to work - back from the real battle arena. You must be strong enough in every obstacle, stand up in very downfall and make sure you will win with all your heart. Just an ordinary day for me at work, to think that there are lot of problems where I work in. After office hours, we have a date with our dear friend - Mary Jane together with Ms. Grace. We ate at my favorite fastfood chain here in Lucena, a nice place to chat along while eating our favorite foods, an ordinary conversations, recaps on our personal lives and what future plans awaits. 22nd of October - Birthday of my Mother and my sister together with my cousin. Would you believe that they have the same birthdate? But along that birthdate, they have different stories to tell and shared with. All of them are close to my heart. Let start with my cousin, I grew up with her, because our house during that time is near to them, as she move to Parañaque to start with her own family together with her work, she's a CPA graduate. We still have communication every now and then, to tell you, one of her siblings is my godson - his name is Ethan Kyle. My sister is very supportive with my decisions evendo we have some differences in our own point of view. She always borrowed my skinny jeans, I swear we have the same size and I hate whenever she did'nt ask my permissions. But despite of that, I love her - the way she dress up and carry herself, and she reads my mind if I'm not telling the truth, she's a Psychology major. Lastly, is my Mother, my Nanay - where I came from, despite of we can't see, talk and touch again. She passed away 2 years ago, I know she's guiding me on every step that I made, and for sure she is happy and proud on what I am today. I miss her so much, her guidance, love, understanding - acceptance. When I'm sad I always think of her, she always there beside me, with regards on all of my achievements and criticisms - I miss you Nanay. This day we attended the mass, we went to the cemetery and have our breakfast at the fastfood chain that we all love to eat - love 'ko to. To start with my day at the work, I came to the office earlier than the usuall days - start the day rigth. Taugth my only one student in CS - Mr. Loo. I never taugth that this day would be a tough one, the long wait is over - release of grades have already been posted and students are eager to know if they passed or failed last term. I can see their faces, the excitement, the joy that it brings and the downfall of their heart. I hope they will understand that it is part of a student's life, they become on what they want it to be and we are here just to guide them in every step of the way. I hope this serves them as a key lesson in their daily life, to improve more in their chosen fields, filled up the lapses that they've done - to become a better individuals. I, also become a student, I've been there with all the hardship and sarcrifices that I had in my life and look who I am rigth - a brave one.

23rd of October, late afternoon, I'm currently talking to Ms. Gen, one of our part-time lecturer, a friend and a second mom - one of my source of wisdom. Talking more complicated issues, confidential topics, heart-warming conversations. She's been there, since I work here in this arena. I loved my life and I could'nt ask for more - and I could wait for more.

essense of bliss

"Making decisions on the path that I want to is one way of determining on how strong I am, knowing my self better, and finding my own bliss in life. No matter how many fall I've already made, the colorful feathers that I had, still there something missing - the essense of the bliss itself."

Finding the real happiness in life would be the hardest goal. Knowing the different obstacle that may occured while still living, one step can change your whole life and along those road that we will travel there would be lot of person that we will encounter with, along with the good and bad memories that it may brings. Can anyone determine and justify if the person is really happy on what he is doing? Would it varies on the actions that he posses, the moods it shows or in the fulfillment and contentment that he had? People are emotionals in a way that it shows naturally, and sometimes people are stupid(..and I'm one of them), but along that stupidity factor, we learned, we lived and become a better individuals. We become on what we want it to be, no less no more. We have different perspective on one idea, a picture can tell a thousand words and a cycle never ends. Real happiness lies in our heart, no questions, no hesitation - it's unconditional. Unconditional in a way that you touched other peoples lives and be part it. There are lot of reason to smile - to be happy. One source of my happiness is my family, their number one on my lists. I appreciated every little things they've done to me - and it counts. I love to play with my nephews and niece, their my little angels, in addition with my "inaanaks" - they made me smiled every now and then. I joined an organization that contributes on the community base, it feels more satisfying to see group of indivuals helping one another to builds other future - it's one of my extensions of happiness, and being an educator on my field, seeing my students learned everyday, regardless on the subject matter but also on the applications of real life situation. It feels more rewarding to see them nuture and grow as a better indivuals. They say it is a noble profession, you have to dedicate all your heart, your passion, your time - yourself. As an indivual, as a product in this world that we live in - we can do lot of things. Going beyond our limits and expecations serve us on how strong we are and it would start with one simple step - making decision and the essense is - on it.

see you soon

First I would like to acknowledge the person who initiate me to have this account, despite of our busy schedule. She is the one who made this account just for me. We have common things, we shared the same thoughts and perspective in life. She is my former student in C programming (hope she would be my student next term?), a friend who I can lean on in times of my deepest downfall, a good listener, she always surprise me and made me smiled (we do have the same brand of perfume, thanks to our sponsor, bath&body works pleasures - Fresh VANILLA) from that on we call ourselves as Ms. D'V stands for Ms. Dharz and Ms. Danielle Vanilla , I would like to say my deepest thanks to you Ms. Danielle - Thank you.

"A blog (a contraction of the term "Web log") is a website, usually maintained by an individual with regular entries of commentary, descriptions of events, or other material such as graphics or video. " Blogger is the person that currently using the blog, who maintains and updates any related issues that everyone can relate to. I heard that everyone is aware of this ( I hope so?), and I am one of those curious people who want to try this website that initiates peoples experiences, their adventures, happiness and even their heartache through blogs.

To share with you, end of September 30, unexpected of the things, we end up with an unforgettable conversation outside the building of our school. First, I'm afraid to share this with other people, on what my heart wants to say, To open up a conversation is the hardest introduction that you would draw to someone. On how would you start, the topic to be open up and when would you stop and limits your stories. In some cases you have to consider the people that you would like to open up with. The conversation runs for almost 3 hours, not mentioning that the time is ticking, I ended up with a person comfortably, telling what my heart wants to say - the conditions and unconditions of love. From that nigth, I feel so overwhelmed for someone who wants to listen unconditionally to you, not mentioning that time for both of us are very important. There are lot of questions bothering me during our conversation, why? Because the people involve are existing in our path. To make the story short, I decided to have the story in the present tense. To tell you, our path have crossed again, in different circumstances, I can say I am happy seeing him everyday, but everytime that I will reminisce the good times that we have, there is a tear falling on my face. I known him for almost six years and counting strong, but the situation is getting harder each day. I said myself before, why him?, to the fact that theres many fish in the sea, and I'll keep coming back onto him - is it condition or unconditions of my love to him? When would I get tired and tell to my self to stop loving him and move on with another one. I know there would be lot of people who will I encounter with and investing emotions to someone is not easy, it would take a lot of courage and risk to start with. Some people pass by and other stay, but still, I'm standing still with courage and faith, despite of the obstacles that I've been through. The bonding that created that night with her was memorable, unforgettable, we are just being ourselves, not pretending anything. It reminds me, that there would still people who wants to listen your stories no matter how sense and senseless it maybe. To end up the conversation, we say not goodbgye, instead - see you soon, with a smile in our face.